I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
