Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
