Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
