The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
