I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
