You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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