He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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