Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
