is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
