Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
