Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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