i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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