I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize