Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
