I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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