There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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