There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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