We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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