I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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