I checked into jail on foursquare
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
