We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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