so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
