either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
This house was built for laser tag.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
