If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
