Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
