Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
