break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize