I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
