i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
