so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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