No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
