:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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