This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
