i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I am midnight drunk by noon
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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