That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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