I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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