My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
