Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
