did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
