He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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