I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
