i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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