I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
