Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
