so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
