pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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