i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize