moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You need Xanax blowdarts
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
