Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i came on her dog
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
