omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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