I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
