How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
