i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
