u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
