Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
