youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize