were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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