wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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