Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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