Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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