my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
