I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
