a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
