I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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