then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize