Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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