We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
