at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
